Emily's Worldview

Well. It's been quite a while since my last update, and I've spent a long time trying to figure out how to share everything that happened. I guess I can start with last August, not long after my last update, when what started out as a misunderstanding at a weekly staff meeting escalated very quickly into basically a strike by the Tanzanian staff. All fingers were pointing at me. My boss was called in, and the board of directors in the US, over allegations that I was difficult to work with, moody, and mean. Not being used to self-doubt, I took the whole thing like a punch in the stomach, and that might be why I haven't sent an update in a while.

Things were much better after a couple months. We managed to have very friendly and productive contract talks and the atmosphere in the office is much lighter, much more fun. Some of the staff told me that they understand me better now, and I feel like the work I've put in to building relationships has been very well received. But five months ago, I thought everything was fine too...

As that crisis abated, I was able to settle comfortably into the grind of this job and the nightly routine of falling asleep in my clothes. One of the most gratifying aspects of my position--the variety of tasks that it encompasses--is also one of the most frustrating. On a daily basis, I am responsible for the accounting, reports, driving, what's going on in the villages, meeting potential donors, "networking", writing proposals, answering emails, overseeing car maintenance, purchasing, hiring and firing, and keeping morale sunny. Plus the occasional task that comes up. The night before my plane took off for the States for a vacation, a few of us were wrapping up details in the office when we heard the sound of falling water. Our office had flooded from the upstairs (don't ask) and we spent two hours mopping, moving furniture, and bailing water out of the building in buckets. It was time for a break.

In the event, my Christmas vacation was more of a whirl than a rest--time with my family and with friends from high school, college, and graduate school--a kind of movie-montage version of my old life in America. I enjoyed it, a lot, and managed to mostly skip over the culture shock, finding myself only occasionally disoriented in supermarkets and traffic. I wasn't really ready to get on the plane, but the day arrived, and suddenly I was back in Tanzania. Stepping out of the plane, the humidity of a Tanzanian summer night felt welcoming and warm. Driving back to town, I was overcome by the smells--cooking fires, banana trees, dust. They were so familiar and yet as exciting as the first time I landed here, more than five years ago.

So the Emily Update is back, emilysworldview.blogspot.com is back, and I am back where I want to be, even when it's hard.